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It was never about the grilled cheese! Or whatever seemingly trivial thing has set your child ablaze.) Plus the way she spoke - with her easy smile and empathic eyebrows - made her feel like a parent who was in the trenches with me, like she had actually tried these tips on her own kids. (Because yes, of course, it wasn’t about the grilled cheese. Becky Kennedy | Parenting been on the receiving end of a meltdown or two (or 200), grilled cheese and otherwise, her advice felt a bit odd but also made sense. Becky counters that for some kids, something as simple as saying “You didn’t want that to happen” and “This feels tricky for you” will make the child feel seen and validated and will help them calm down much faster.Ī post shared by Dr. Becky gave in one recent video.) While it’s tempting to snap, “Eat it - it tastes the same,” Dr. Sometimes I have to straight-up pretend I have the slightest clue about the “landing plan” for every situation or for the future in general, but it’s amazing how much better it feels to everyone when I manage to do that.įor instance, perhaps your child is freaking out because you cut her grilled cheese wrong. Sometimes I’m more like the crazy flight attendant flinging cocktail napkins and dribbling hot coffee on sleeping passengers. I’ll be the first to admit I haven’t always been that pilot. Welcome to “sturdy leadership” and “co-regulation” - both of which validate a child’s feelings, allow you to check in with your own emotions, and keep boundaries clear so a child knows their freaking out isn’t going to infect the person at the controls. But I got this! I’ve handled this before. What you want is a pilot who says something like, “Okay, we’ve got some turbulence here. What if the pilot said, “Oh, please, stop freaking out, will ya? You’re overreacting!” Also not great. But what if the pilot made an announcement like, “ No yelling! I can’t land the plane when you’re like this!” That would feel awful. As a passenger, you might be freaking out a bit. The TL DR version: Imagine you’re on a plane, and there’s really bad turbulence. I listened as she unfolded the “Airplane Pilot” allegory, a story Kennedy often tells that’s somewhat foundational to her whole parenting ethos. (I assume the algorithm had been spying on my all-caps texts to my mom-friends as the pandemic turned parenting upside down and inside out things that were already challenging felt nearly unhinged.) And there she was with a wide, toothy smile, talking head-on to the camera in 15-second Story increments from what looks like a tastefully wallpapered alcove in her home, suggesting exactly what to do and say when your child is melting down - or when the person melting down is actually you. I stumbled across Kennedy one day during that silent spring of 2020 while noodling around my Instagram “Explore” page. from Columbia University, three young kids, and about 800,000 similarly rapt followers on Instagram. Rebecca Kennedy, a New York City–based licensed clinical psychologist with a Ph.D.
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Like most people seeking guidance on how to navigate literally anything in the time of COVID-19, I’ve been routinely checking in with a medical professional online. Photo: Catherine Falls Commercial/Getty Images